Life changes and many of them..

A little my background and just how "accident prone" I've been over the years!
At least I can look back at all of "my accidents" and joke, laugh and as it doesn't bother me. It's all ancient history for me as my life goes on. But for those that my accident and other mishaps have bothered deeply, it bothers me to a point that I keep them in my prayers. On my home page I gave you just a small taste of a few of the little ant hills that I've overcome in the past many years and I plan on doing so for another half-century, so watch out!

From Ant Hills to Moderate Bumps in the Road, to knocking on Death's Door for all I've put my family through a living hell on earth�Some indescribable losses that are difficult to put into words... because when you lose a family member and a child, what can I say?

When you're Sledding down a Snow-Covered Hill, Watch out for Others!
When it comes to accidents and other little problems throughout my life, I think they all date back to when I was only about seven or eight years old. When my older brother put a firecracker in my back pocket, lit it and rather than going "bang" it went off much like a sparkler per se, burning a hole through my jeans, through my underwear and scarring my rear end! Though the scars no longer show because of more pressure sore scarring than I care to count believe me, I would've preferred the scar from a firecracker much better than the pressure sore scarring� That was only the icing on the cake, from their it went on to having my address over by Richard Nixon while we were sledding in the wintertime when I fell off my sled only to see Richard coming down the hill only to run over my head, putting a nice scar on top of my noggin to where I needed six stitches to repair the damage! I've always been a little look back at all my little accidents and laugh because after all, laughter is the best medicine for whatever ails you and I've been through out my lifetime than I would wish on anyone -- even though I look back at it and not think anything of it.

Beware of the Dogs That Don't Bark Whether They Are Friend or Foe!
On July 22, 1974 while visiting my mother's aunt and uncle's home on a lake in northeastern Indiana, I was petting the dog "King Arthur". All of a sudden King Arthur it was a very large St. Bernard got a on its rear legs, opening his mouth and taking in my face much like you see a lion doing to its trainer on a show. This was not show though; King Arthur bit down on my face ripping into my face like it was a roast, ripping right through the left side of my cheek to where my tongue could've been sticking out of it. On both sides of my face had ripped me open like a doll to the point I needed over 160 stitches in my face. When I got into my grandparents Pontiac Catalina I sat in the middle of the front seat, saw myself in the rearview mirror and it scared me so bad that my left hand when the so quickly the mirror below into the back seat. This wasn't something I did intentionally, it was just a reaction to seeing a living nightmare come true to life, scaring me beyond words can be into text! This was a dog I'd been around more times than I can count and King Arthur was a very loving dog who had only had one run-in and injuring someone once before; a little girl who he accidentally scratched a few weeks earlier BUT this was little more than a scratch you could say. I was a little terrified, to put it lightly and when I went into the emergency room with my grandparents I remember the nurse saying, "Just squeeze my hand..." which I did to the point that I hopefully didn't squeeze too tightly as I had just turned fourteen one week prior to this little accident. Because of this accident though, King Arthur was put down about a week later after being checked out for rabies and thank God, he didn't have any rabies or I would have been a little worse off than I already was!

In 1983 the Stephen King thriller movie, "Cujo" came out and it was pretty funny how real it seemed even though I was the one who was on the receiving end! I don't let dogs scare me no matter what the size of them might be, I just prefer smaller ones to share the bed with me at night... But on one night or artery morning in June 2008 size didn't matter. My new owner, an eight week old dachshund puppy "Jagermeister" decided to chew the heck out of my right hand pinky finger. He must have mistook my finger for his mama's nipple and when he couldn't get any milk out of it, he decided to chew and with me unable to feel it, I was in for a rude awakening that morning when I pulled up my hand and thought, "Oh my God...!" I couldn't feel it so I didn't even know what happened until that morning.

Time for Reconstructive Surgery and What a Way to Spend Christmas Break!
The following Christmas vacation off from school, I got to spent part of it in the hospital having reconstructive surgery in order to help remove any scar tissue from where I was stitched up initially. The scarring is now barely noticeable and most people think it's just a dimple though I can clearly see the scars on the outside I never allowed them to bother me on the inside. When it comes to the inside and mentally, I wasn't scarred whatsoever as I love dogs no matter what shape, size or breed because how can you not love "Man's Best Friend!" I don't think anyone can disagree with me on that statement because no matter what, they're always there for you to give you that unconditional love twenty-four seven, three hundred and sixty-five days of the year! Dogs are by far the best owner man can ask for -- and boy can they own the want to be "owner" but they own the house along with everything around it!

Like They Say; Accidents Happen:
The date was; May 4, 1985 when a friend of mine and me decided to go for a ride to go get one beer in Nowhere, Arizona and return home to our wives, mine who went to a "mother-daughter banquet" with my mother. At the time, I never knew that it was going to be the last time I ever to ever stand up on my two feet again, a decision that I don't regret to this day because like they say; "it happens" or something like that� For more about my little accident you can click on the "About Me" link and it'll take you further in-depth about my accident and a few other obstacles I needed to deal with than climb over. Even though I became paralyzed from roughly my armpits down, it's something I don't recommend to everybody unless you're really up for the challenge of a lifetime and then some.... Trying to recuperate from the pain I put not only my family members through, friends, acquaintances and many, many people who I didn't even know that I put them all through a living hell that's unforgivable. Granted, my accident was just that because I wasn't out on a mission to break my neck, get injured in any way, shape or form but knowing what a heartfelt pain by family members are still going through; it has a way of making you rethink some future action and those in the past.

Losing Family Members and Those You Love:
When it comes to losing a family member, you discover a void that can't be filled by anyone or anything, it's something you can't put in the back of your mind and think the way as there is always a reminder. The feeling of a family that's not quite whole or a life that's not quite complete. After losing my father to cancer only to be followed by my stepfather, I began to wonder who could ever be next but I never wanted to think about whom that "next" might be. The answer came way too soon and unexpectedly when my older brother passed away at a young age 53 to a heart attack in his Indiana home. Tim was a most outgoing person you could ever meet, he was their for everyone except for himself, bending over backwards in order to help whoever it might be and doing more for the town/city that he lived in by bringing in a full time/paid ambulance and fire department which prior to this was made up of volunteers. Tim was a type that would give the stranger the shirt off his back if he thought it would help them out and by far, Tim was always bigger than life, my hero and he'll always will be just that. But after his loss I had quite a number of unanswered questions for "The Big Guy Upstairs" as I felt it was so unfair for Tim to be picked over me, it didn't leave me bitter but it left me more full of questions, questions such as; "Why Tim and not me and is it true that only the good die young?" Tim did so much for so many people; he had a wife and family. Then, not even five months later my mother passed away after many years of heart problems (CHF) and complications of diabetes at the loving age of seventy-seven. Before I even had a chance to even question why all these things were happening, as we were leaving the church parking lot where my mother's funeral/dedication was held, my van bottomed out and the person who was driving my van decided to rip off the air damn and literally throw it in the rear of my van, yelling at me saying "You don't need that *explicit* on your van, what are you thinking?" I not only felt like sinking into the cushion of my wheelchair but it was a senseless blow that I didn't know why it came out of his mouth, was this really my fault or did he need to vent? Granted, this is something that might be very, very insignificant to many people but I've always been someone who's felt their vehicle is an extension of themselves and this was like driving a stake right through my heart. Not only did we just lay our mom to rest but I was beginning to feel like a real piece of crap with more emotions running through my head than I knew how to deal with and to see this anger come out of the person who was driving just blew me away. This is something I've kept bottled up within me for all these years and this is the first time I've ever even talked about it. After these two losses; for the first time in my life I began to look at my life, wondering and thinking that it should have been me and not Tim, why a good person like my mom and not me and the list went on. Those types of questions are way out of character for me, I've never ever had anything like that cross my mind in the previous twenty-two years after my accident and I can honestly say, I've never had any type of negative/stupidly or even dangerous thoughts even enter my head and this was literally scaring the hell out of me. They say that time heals all but that type of healing comes at a very slow rate...to say the least. After having to put down one of the best dogs "I've ever had own me" it felt as if my world was in a tailspin and headed downward at a rapid pace.

Shortly thereafter, on my way to a doctors appointment in Cottonwood after my new puppy Jagermeister had tried to nurse off my pinky finger one night, only to draw blood and make money finger look like it went through a meat tenderizer we saw what looked like a folded up blankets on the two-lane highway with nowhere to go but to hit it. What we thought was a folded up light or white folded up blankets was anything but soft, it had ripped a few holes in the bottom of my wheelchair accessible van's floor along with wiping out my transmission. Being I needed to have my van repaired, I took it to a place nearby that I thought had some integrity but they had anything but an ounce of integrity. While my van was being worked on, I decided to have a new engine dropped in at the same time, a mistake I regret to this day. Being that when I worked on a vehicle, nobody got billed for a part that never needed but I let myself get ripped and ripped off bad, the automotive repair business did to me what I would have never dreamt of doing to a customer. They took me for well over $3,500 if not closer to $5,200 as I never got a single part back, nor the parts that were supposedly put in my van even in their. After they closed their doors, my van was delivered to my home by a flatbed wrecker and the owners of the business, never gave me any excuses or reasonings why they did this to me and without my van running. My van was something I was looking forward to and hoping it might pull me out of the rut I'd slipped into but now, my van is still sitting in my garage. The same van that had the front air dam torn off and tossed into the back of in anger� Was this something that was meant to be or something, something that I didn't understand and I've yet to figure out why but I've never been rolled nor walked all over like this before in my life. With me feeling no higher than a dirty throw rug in front of a busy discount store per se, trashed upon but never cleaned. I don't know if I'd quit caring or if I felt there was no other direction to turn in order to recoup the money that was literally stolen right out of my wallet and I didn't care or, I was stupid enough to allow it to happen, those are answers I've yet to figure out. It was then that I thought I had reached rock bottom -- that everything was taken from me that could be, then I began to wonder, "Why was it my brother (Tim) and not me, he had a family". Not only that but Tim was so devoted to the city where he lived, he made a huge difference not only to the community/city that he lived in, but he made a huge difference in the lives of so many people and then there was me... What the hell was going on inside of my head? This wasn't the Bruce that I nor anyone else knew, was I at rock-bottom and didn't care or what? I sure as hell didn't know who this Bruce was and I didn't want to know this person! I needed to find some answers and find them quick before it sucked me into a black hole of death! Was this what absolute rock-bottom was all about or was I an out-of-control comet looking for a place to crash? My questions were about to be answered and in a very unexpected way!

Double Bacterial Pneumonia and Welcome to the Ventilator Again...
Thinking I'd hit rock bottom after all my previous losses in the family, getting ripped off, etc., I was to find out again exactly what "rock-bottom was all about!" Was it something new to me or was it déjà vu? After a sinus infection turned into a chest cold within two weeks, I found myself calling 911 around 11 PM in January 2009 because I was fighting to take in just one breath of air. At the time I had no idea what type of mountains I had to climb along with going through only what I can describe as "Living Hell", and something I wouldn't wish upon anyone! This felt to me, much steeper obstacles than my accident ever amounted to, though I had no vouch for that! At times I was fighting for my life and at others, not even knowing where or what was going on around me. The most recent being in January-February 2009 when I came down with double bacterial pneumonia, something I thought was just a minor sinus infection that got into my bronchial tubes and then into my chest where it settled. I have no recollection of the two weeks prior to calling 911 and then being taken by ambulance to Yavapai Regional Medical Center, our local hospital in Prescott Valley. After being in ICU for the first few days in Prescott Valley, they decided to transfer me to Yavapai Regional Hospital (roughly eight miles away) for what I say was "more intense ICU" and spend a total of sixteen days. Unknowingly to me, I was put on the ventilator for fifteen days and for the first nine days; had no idea where I was, why I was in there or even who anyone was around me. With me running a fever in excess of 107°, when I came around on day nine I was what you could say "rather delusional" and that's to put it lightly. With me having a ventilator tube crammed down my throat, I was unable to communicate even the smallest requests or even questions, I had absolutely no way of asking things, other than trying to move my lips, just remember; the ventilator tube was going down my throat which complicated things significantly. The only thing I could come up with but didn't get across was for someone to bring in my laptop computer. Had I my laptop and a mouth wand so I could type out things, I could've communicated with the world but that was one of those request I couldn't carry out. I can look back at it now and laugh but at that time there was absolutely nothing do them chuckle about only a few parts of "my vacation" in ICU. Nurses, friends and my family began to talk, telling me everything that had been done, what and why I was where I was in the hospital, etc. Without anyway to ask for help or make very simple requests such as a face wash, it literally made for the worst experience in my lifetime and I've had more than a few hospital visits. Everything I had taken for granted in the past was something not even a television could possibly bring to viewers and it's all something I never want to go through that again. I give thanks each and every day for what most everyone takes for granted, each and every breath I can take on my own because if you can't breathe on your own it feels like your whole world is caving in around you.

This was only what I can describe as "rock-bottom" and a place I never want to revisit but somewhere I never want to forget as it gave me a completely new appreciation for what many of us take for granted. Those being: Each and every breath I can take in on my own, the ability for me to communicate with others, my family, friends and for being alive without the need of a ventilator or any other assistive device. For reasons like those, I can't forget to give thanks to each and every doctor, nurse, respiratory therapists and for every one who prayed for me while I was in "rock-bottom!" I only wished I had a way to pay them back but I've already thanked them and their response, "We were only doing our jobs..." When their jobs not only give you another lease on life to give you a new appreciation for everything you can do; no dollar amount could ever be paid to these types of people -- unfortunately! Since I'm been working out, doing what I can in order to build up my lung capacity it's very seldom that my O2 sats are lower than 92% without even trying to deep breathe or anything and there's only two people I can thank for helping me out; my helper Julie Bruce, the big man upstairs and not giving up the fight to get stronger and stronger!

This is pretty much the end of my speed bumps and I'm hoping to God that there aren't any more
conquer and mountains to climb, but if there's one other mountain I need to peak you'll find it here! For more about me, just click on the "About Me" tab. There was one other mountain to climb but never conquered that was just about two months after my accident... Other than having a lawyer/attorney wanting to crawl up my anus in search of money, riches or other items after my ex-wife Lori Lynn Abell-Porter not only financed a car and my name but it also got insured titled and repossessed but all in my name!! With that said, I have myself looking to above for some help with this one because I don't have the money for even setting up some sort of payment arrangements with this "jerk". Oh yes, his name is attorney James Vaughan of Phoenix, Arizona but if I had the money that he continues to make me lose sleep over I would hand it to him wrapped up in something brown very, very stinky if you get my drift because when you don't have it to begin with, why continue to harass someone like myself or others? I don't understand where some people are coming from but it must be something attorneys learn in college or those online classes per se. if you would like to getting contact with this harassing person for me; feel free to do so and that would make me quite happy because like they say, "What Goes around, Comes around!"

With that said, I'm hoping to God that there aren't any more molehills, speed bumps nor mountains to climb, sometimes you get to the point that you honestly wonder "How much more can I handle before going the rest of the way nuts??"